In a previous blog, I explained how my students use textual evidence to respond to their Writing Zone Prompts. At the end of Trimester 2, almost every student is now writing six plus sentence responses with evidence. Today, I would like to share some examples of their work.
Sometimes, students are asked to rewrite their Writing Zone compositions because they are missing textual evidence or have many grammatical errors. Here is an example of how rewriting improved my student T.M's original submission.
T.M.'s Original Writing Zone 1.3
I would join Dolores Huerta's fight to improve farm workers' lives. I am interested in helping because i think them grape workers to attain higher pay and better living conditions cause they work so challenging in the hot weather "they often lived in tiny shacks without basic facilities." I could contribute to this cause by working and they barely acquire anything for doing it "they labored in sweltering heat for less than a dollar an hour." For these reasons, i think people enjoy them. That sit in hot Wheater should receive better profits and more respect cause them people ain't working for nothing they working so demanding to work in these farmers.
I would join Dolores Huerta's fight to improve farm worker's lives. I am interested in helping these farm worker's because i want these grape worker's to have better things in life and get payed more then a dollar and ho
ur. "They labored in sweltering heat for less than a dollar an hour and they often lived in small shacks without basic facilities.(p1)" I could contribute to this by bring everybody together and making a speech about how these grape workers need better pay and better living conditions so everybody and the grape worker's would be happy too. "Over the past four decades, Huerta has faced harassment, violence and 22 arrests, but her determination has only grown, and she continues to fight for farm workers. (p4)" For these reasons, I think the farm owners should give grape workers higher pay and better living conditions. Grape workers sit outside all day working in that heat and they deserve better things in life and a dollar an hour working in that hot heat some grape worker's should speak out about how they feel about them working and getting payed less and should speak on the farm owners and how they respect them grape worker's.
E.R.'s One of his first Writing Zones - 5.4
People who find treasure in shipwrecks should be allowed to keep it. First, people who find and recover such treasures should be allowed to keep what they find beacause they are the ones who took the time to look for it. Second, they probably spend years trying to find the treasure. As a result, they deserve to keep what they find.
E.R.'s Writing Zone 15.4
I think sighted people can learn from the blind climbers in Sight Unseen. Blind climbers navigate through difficult terrain by feeling and hearing whats around them. Erik Weihenmayer "teaches the blind climbers how to feel their way along the trail using hiking poles" (P2). The blind climbers' experiences could teach sighted climbers that they achieve there goals. "they're reached their destination but these climbers have done something more important they've overcome challenges to achieve their goal" (P4) Therefore, if blind people do something, anybody can do something if they put there mind to it.
E.R.'s Writing Zone 4.1
I do not think professional athletes should resign when they no longer have winning records. Although this is the case for Sumo wrestlers in Japan, "If a yokozuna loses a match, he must do the honorable thing and resign" (P3). However just because he loses one match doesn't mean he is gonna lose the next one. Furthermore, "It can take Sumo wrestlers years of training to master the sport. Still, only a few make it to the highest and most respected level of Sumo" (P3) These Sumo wrestlers can practice up to years and lose one match that doesn't sound fair. Therefore, professional athletes should not resign if they only lose one match.
More Writing Zone Samples:A.G.'s Writing Zone 7.1
I am interested in attending a Blue Man Group performance. I know I would enjoy the show because it's entertaining to watch and you have something to laugh about. "Blue Man Group is a new kind of theater that combines art and music with a touch of nonsense." Also, it would be a pleasure to see a performance where you can enjoy something that's funny and creative. "The result is an evening of nonstop original sights and sounds." For these reasons, I am interested in attending a Blue Man Group show.
T.L.'s Writing Zone 5.1
Casino gambling should not be permitted in the United States. First, casinos have an unfair advantage over gamblers because according to the video, by Nevada law machines get to keep 25 percent of the change gamblers put in. This means gamblers have a low chance of winning. Furthermore, casinos lure gamblers to keep spending by playing welcoming sounds and appealing sights (video). they trick them to come back for more. Thus, many people would be better off if casino gambling wasn't allowed in Vegas. Finally, people should stay away from casinos because they are stealing money to spend on new Hotels and casinos and people should get in contact with the Nevada lawmakers.
R.S.'s Writing Zone 14.1
It is acceptable to break laws that discriminate against others. For example, in the 1960s, laws in the South discriminated against the blacks because blacks were not allowed in public facilities as white people. "However blacks weren't allowed to sit with whites on interstate buses” (P1). The Freedom Riders disagreed with those laws and wanted the laws to be changed. "In 1961 segregation laws in the south made it illegal for black people to use the same public facilities as white people” (P1). Therefore, there are situations in which it is all right to break laws that judge against others.
I think poetry slams make poetry more exciting. A poetry slam is a performance where stand-up poets make funny or serious poems about there life or anything. "some are serious, while others are silly. but the poets have the same goal in mind "(P2). The poets perform many different kinds of poems, like with team or anything they want but it has to be good. "they want to wow the crowd. after all, it's up to the audience members to be blunt. they have to compare the poems- and pick the winner!"(P2). For these reasons, I think poetry slams should keep doing what they're doing becouse it an excellent way of showing your talent.
L.D.'s Writing Zone 13.2
I would not risk my life to protect the environment. Sustaining the environment is the opposite of deforestation .The government was clearing thousands of acres of land "to use however it liked" ( P2 ). However, getting harmed or killed I would not risk my life, because I don't want to be " harassed , arrested , and brutally attacked" ( P5 ). That is why risking my life would not be an option, because I wouldn't enjoy to be brutally attacked. the government would be hurting people because no trees mean no soil which also means no food. Kids will become starving and also parents.
E.B.'s Writing Zone 7.1
I am interested in attending a Blue Man Group performance. I know I would enjoy a Blue Man group performance because it will be funny. I would love to see "a backpack tubulum... or a drumbone." I will love to see there homemade instruments. Also, it would be cooler to see a performance where I live. I know I would be "in for a true surprise!" I will love to see them make art and music with a twist. For these reasons, I love to do a blue man group show and so would other people would love to attend to a blue man group show also.
I think the U.S. hockey team's win in the 1980 Olympics was a miracle. Their win was a miracle because the Soviets were "the best in the world"(P1). The team had won many Olympics medals. Also, the U.S. team was "young"(P1). They didn't have the confidents and skills. That is why the U.S. team's win was a miracle. This shows that giving your best effort to something can make you a better person.
Students are making good progress with longer paragraphs and use of textual evidence
is becoming automatic. When students reach the Writing Zone, the first thing they do is collect a copy of the segment passage from our Writing Zone Binders. Most students are identifying the direct quotation's paragraph number.
is still work to be done. Students struggle with basic conventions and final conclusions. We are working on those areas.